REMINDERS FOR THE JOURNEY – February 16, 2008
The Crucible for Raising Children is in Marriage
I have found that life has become much simpler by having an open mind and attitude about most things. However, in this column, I may sound like the judgmental, condemning folks I have come to detest, so if you choose to read on, you have at least been pre-warned. What I suspect, though, is that most who read on will agree with me. Oh, well, this is an opinion column, and I certainly don’t expect all to agree with me, anyway.
A few days ago, I saw on the toob, that our latest Texan pretty boy hunk, Matthew McCoughnahey, and his girlfriend, Camila Alves, are terribly excited because she is anticipating giving birth to a child. And it seems to me that many others are also just “so excited” for them. Well, pardon my being a prude, but every time I hear such news about the latest celebrity couple having a child outside a committed marriage, it always twists my gut a little. My first judgmental thought is, “Why the heck don’t you get married then?” I just think a committed marriage gives a child a better chance to have a childhood that is nurturing and stable. Certainly, there are no guarantees, but can’t we at least increase the odds?
It seems to me that couples like the above, as well as many non-celebrity couples, see a child coming into their lives as if they were getting a new pet, or perhaps a new toy.
Back in the day, which was very imperfect in the other direction, when a couple “got pregnant,” they didn’t appear on national television talk shows all excited about it, nor was it reported in the local newspapers as being a wonderful happening. I am certainly not for going back to the levels of toxic shame that most of us geezers grew up with, but it seems like a little shame would lead people to at least shut up about it, ‘cause I’m tired of hearing about such!
My, how times have changed, and certainly not all of it has been negative. In the late 60’s, when I was in my early 20’s, one of my wife’s girlfriends had moved to Colorado to be near her boyfriend who was enrolled in college there, and before my wife went up to visit her, was told that she needed to know that her boyfriend and her were living together in an apartment. Well, that was the early days of couples living together outside marriage, and both my wife and I were real uncomfortable with her friends’ arrangement. Well, today, even though I still am not totally crazy about young couples living together, it certainly doesn’t make me squirm like it did then. Truthfully, I have come to recognize that if my first wife and I had done so prior to getting married, it is highly unlikely we would ever have entered matrimony, which would have been fortunate for everyone that was involved in that blissful, long, 3 ½ year experience!
I guess I just have a need to express my discomfort about couples being so excited about having a child outside marriage. I believe that by stating so, I am identifying with the discomfort of many of my readers. I want to acknowledge, though, that I certainly don’t have a perfect enough resume that entitles me to a high horse platform that warrants being judgmental of others; my “sins” have just been different! But I still think that if a couple intentionally conceives a child, they ought to be married, or have plans to get married!